ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
