My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
