I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
