take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Just puked most of my soul out..
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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