Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I can text with my tongue
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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