you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
