and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You ruined the universe
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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