He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
