Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
