so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Four minutes until I can fart!
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
