You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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