I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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