I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
