I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm too high and old for this...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
