If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
