he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
