He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
