Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
