We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
