In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
