I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
