His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
