Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I didn't shave. On purpose
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
