so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
