Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
