I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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