do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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