I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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