I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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