I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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