i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Drunk is not a location!
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
