Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
