hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Randomize
