So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
