Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
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I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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