elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
