okay pat passed out under dana's car
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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