My sheets look like a crime scene.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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