my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
