so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
My life is pants optional.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
