what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
