You're my little dorito
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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