where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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