Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
