Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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