What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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