Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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