That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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