There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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