You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i came on her dog
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize