it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
