Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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