I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
