Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
