we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Who put my cat in the fridge?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
