hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
