Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
