So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
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you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I didn't notice because vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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