Where is the hickey?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
