At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
