Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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