Sponge bath it is.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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