he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
We are all done wearing pants today
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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