from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
