We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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