Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
