Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
