before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
