i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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