Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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