i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
