God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
