Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Randomize
