Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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