so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
