i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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