I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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