No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
