i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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