I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
