I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
