I'm going to jail i love you
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
