I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
