Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. ðŸ˜
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
